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Your 43rd Birthday:
A User's Guide
for the Single Gay Man
That is no country for old men ...
-- William Butler Yeats
Do not go out until later
when the skin
has had time to take up its slack
when coffee
has invigorated dull senses
when curiosity
(the faint hope
that you might yet meet someone --
anyone)
has persuaded you to shave.
Use salves and fine soaps if you like.
Softness and scent
are no substitute for youth's taut chest
or rosy cheek
but at least you have done
what you could.
Indulgence may have to be
its own reward.
Find time to go running
to prove you still can.
Do not measure the cost of your car
the size of your office
against those of people younger than you.
What do they know,
after all?
Do not listen to NPR. It reports so often
on cancer
but never says what you can do
to avoid it --
for those around you
for yourself.
Do not read personals ads --
"Looking to meet fit WM, 21-32 ... "
"If you are under 35 ... "
"You: GWM/GHM, 25-40, not bald
(exception: if you're Patrick Stewart)."
At least losing your hair
didn't bother you.
Do not count your birthday cards.
And if you think of people
you have loved and lost
tint regret with fondness.
Recall sprawling with Miguel
on the blue sofa
in your old apartment
late at night
chatting, laughing
sambucca in tumblers on the coffee table
his head on your shoulder.
Remember
the jazz singer you heard with him
in that restaurant on Columbia Road
how much
you both smiled.
Never forget
how much
you have smiled.
So light candles
uncork wine
turn the stereo up loud and
play Ella Fitzgerald.
Make the pasta sauce Alfredo
never mind the grams of fat.
It's your birthday -- dance a little
even if you're dancing in the kitchen
even if you're dancing alone.
February, 2001
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